the ultimate test
by CatrienStardust
Summary: eclare; "If you don't want to, I'm not forcing you. In fact, I just want this to be for you." ; a very different M.


**I.**Calm Before the Storm;

I divert my eyes to the ground, biting my lip at his proposition. I'm sure I'm bright red right now, but it's for a good reason.

Beside me, he fidgets, his spindly fingers twisting around the hand I placed in his, messing with my ring, moving to my fingernail, to my knuckles, then back to my ring, repeating the cycle.

"If you don't want to, I'm not forcing you. In fact, I just want this to be for you."

He twists my ring then, twice to the right, twice to the left.

"You know that, right?"

_Twist, twist..._

I blush more furiously and nod, my mind swarming.

_Twist, twist..._

"We don't have to."

_Twist, twist..._

The thought of Eli and I, together, really together, in a way that would make my mother freeze white-faced, and my father grit his teeth, is so completely appetizing that it makes my jaw clench. I'm terrified, embarrassed, and so, _so_ tempted.

_Twist, twist..._

"Seriously Clare, forget I mentioned it."

_Decision time. It's now or never, Clare._

"N-No." I say, afraid at him taking back his offer. "I want to."

**II.**Look Back With No Remorse;

_"So you've honestly never considered sex, Clare?"_

_She blushed at his vulgarity. "Of course I did!" Her voice was indignant, and the tone made him smile. "I mean, I'm not a complete prude. I know about... about masturbation and things like that, I just never found someone that I... A-and besides, I'm waiting."_

_"It sounds to me that you're not so sure on your decision."_

_"I am!"_

_He chuckled. "Alright, __Blue Eyes__." There was a pause, and he clutched his hand in hers, face turning serious._

_"Have you ever wanted to?"_

_Weakly, she bit her lip and down cast her eyes to the ground, cheeks flushing._

_"Maybe."_

_"With me?"_

_His question shocked her, and she turned to face him, expecting a smirk, or else the familiar light of amusement in his green eyes. Instead, she was faced with seriousness, curiosity, and... anticipation? Yes, there was a light that resembled excitement in his green eyes. Suddenly, he felt too close, and her hand in his felt on fire._

_"What would you do if I said yes?"_

_His __free hand__ moved to her waist, toying with the hem of the shirt she was wearing._

_"Then I'd suggest we do an experiment."_

_She raised her eyebrows then, waiting for him to continue._

_"I don't expect sex from you. I'm not even sure if that would make me happy. You're so innocent, Clare, and I like that about you."_

_Silence._

_"But I know you hold feelings for me. And I want," he cleared his throat. "I want to see you. It's the ultimate test, Clare. Can you show yourself to me?"_

**III.**You Know It Will Always Just Be Me;

Without more to say, he moves his hand from my ring finger to my chin, guiding my face to his.

"Having second thoughts, Blue eyes?"

His lips are mere millimetres away from my own, and my heart pounds frantically in my ears. He's too close for my breathing to calm, and all I can focus on are his lips, which are slowly, tantalizingly descending upon mine.

"Are you?" My breath fans against his lips, and I can see his eyes dilate.

"Never." And he kisses me then, his chapped lips pressing into mine with an assertive firmness that makes my toes clench. He pushes me back, and I feel my bare back rub against his lace sheets. His hands cup my face, fingers strung into my hair, cradling my lips against him with a passion and a tenderness that makes me part with my lips with shock. Of course, he slips in, and I don't fight him, we just move together in a heated, passionate, fluid dance.

When we pull apart, my head is spinning at the lack of oxygen. I'm so dazed I barely notice his hands, which are slipping devilishly up the small of my back as his lips assault on my neck.

Without meaning to, I moan loudly, desire and overstimulation making me so openly... sexual. Eli pauses in his ministrations briefly, and I'm almost positive I can feel his lips turn upwards in a smirk.

It's all too much and I barely notice as his hands move to the hem of my T-shirt, pulling it upwards. My cheeks are flushed and I'm shaking, but at the same time I'm nervous, the pit of my stomach in on fire, and my spine is racing with an emotion I've never fully felt- only caught in glimpses during dreams and while writing fantasies.

The piece of cotton flutters to the ground, and I immediately move to cover myself. I'm not wearing anything terribly revealing, just a plain cotton bra. It's not exciting, not even interesting aside from the small pink bow between the cups, but the sight still makes Eli draw in a long gasp and widen his eyes.

His hands slip to behind my back, and with a few moments of fumbling with its clasp, he makes way with the white fabric.

Instantly, I move my arms to cover myself.

Pulling away, he looks me in the eyes.

"A little late to be demure, Clare." His voice is husky as he says my name, and I shake a little.

"I... It's uncomfortable, Eli."

He takes a breath and pulls back a little, his hands closing around my wrist and guiding my arms away from my body.

"It's not supposed to be perfect. But this is me, Clare." He places a kiss on my temple. "We're supposed to be shaking and awkward and nervous."

My cheeks flush red.

"But I want to do this. I know you do too. And more than that, I _want_ to see you."

With a sharp intake of breath, I move my arms away, letting someone see me for the first time in my life.

His green eyes look over my body, and, with a glint in his eyes, he pulls me down into the sheets.

**IV.**Catch Your Breath;

"Eli, your-"

"Clare is this okay? are-"

"hands are soft, it's-"

" you close? Don't-"

"fine. It's getting –"

"hold back now. God you're-"

"dizzy. I'm going to-

"the only girl that will ever make me feel like this."

**V.**The Take Over;

She didn't know that there was a level of pleasure as extreme as this.

He moved his fingers within her, and she didn't even have time to be nervous.

He was everywhere, the scent of him and his eyes all she could see, feel, and breathe.

For once she wasn't Saint Clare, but a goddess in the arms of Eli, moving and changing and loving her.

The sensations were too much; cool silk mixed with hot flesh mixed with rough fingers mixed with breathing and moaning and so, so, so MUCH...

**VI.**If I Lay Here;

"..."

"..."

"I'd feel kind of clichéd if I told you I loved you now."

"Well do you?"

"No, I just suffered through embarrassment and defilation of my morals because it's _fun_."

"You're cute, Clare."

"So I'm told."

"..."

"..."

"Is that your heartbeat?"

"What else could it be?"

"A freight train?"

"Very funny, Eli."

"You're blushing."

"You're warm."

"You're beautiful."

"You're a smooth liar."

"..."

"..."

"I'm not lying."

"..."

"..."

"I love you, Eli."

"I'd be alarmed if you didn't."

**I have mixed feelings about this. Reviews are appreciated.**


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